Title Me This

"I can't even handle this right now."

“I can’t even handle this right now.”

Keeping the bigger kids distracted has become a daily chore. And no napping means they’ve decided to fill that void by following me around and asking the same question, over and over again. Correction, they stay busy by asking questions and dumping cocoa all over the coffee table.

Please hold.

Where was I? Right, small human beings, inquiring minds, no naps.

I imagine it was someone with a three-year-old, who first coined the term, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” If that’s paraphrased, it’s because I got up with Doc at 5:30am and kind of don’t remember what my middle name is, or if my brain is functioning properly. Nevertheless, the twins are starting to do things which catch me off guard and also have high entertainment value. And like the yoga pant wearing circus trainer I am, I say, “Do it again. Just stop asking me why Ariel wanted to be human, so much.”

This week, I discovered the comedic value in letting children read the titles of our books with no pictures. Without further adieu, please enjoy today’s selections…

Classic Literature as Read by a Three Year Old

Har’ Times by Hunny Dickens

(Hard Times by Charles Dickens)

The Bicker of Wheatfull by Doldmoth

(The Vicar of Wakefield by Oliver Goldsmith)

God’s Blessing Hughes Water

(God Bless You Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut)

Di’ Ree Ub A Wri’er by Da ‘ Atooy

(Diary of a Writer by Dostoevsky)

The Hing’in Glass of Gassin’

(The Hidden Treasure of Glaston by Eleanore Jewett

Chocoberry Fun

(Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain)

Have I read all of these? No. But if any of those titles reached out and grabbed you, don’t let me get in the way of wandering to your local Barnes and Noble and asking for your very own copy of something by Hunny Dickens.

It’s been a long winter here, folks.

Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com, and is the author of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles: Mostly-True Tales of An Impending Miracle. You can reach her at paigekellerman@gmail.com.

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